By Gema Viana
“It was extremely difficult! I didn’t know how to begin raising my children on my own. Financially, it was overwhelming. Whenever my kids had school activities, I noticed they envied their school mates who had a complete family. I was not sure how I’d be able to fill in the void left by their father”, said Mhel who became a single mother of three girls who are now 16, 14, and 12. Mhel left her husband when her youngest daughter was just 7 months old.
Mhel recalls that they used to live in her parent’s house after getting married but had to move out when her husband and her father had a conflict. Her husband eventually lost his source of livelihood. In order augment the family income, Mhel would go to her parents’ house where she would take in some contractual sewing jobs. She did this right after giving birth to her youngest daughter. She never imagined that this would be the beginning of the end of their marriage. Mhel’s husband had drinking sessions and brought women to their family home while she was away. Mhel made the decision to separate from her husband after he got involved with different sorts of vices. The last straw was when he started hurting her physically. She did not want her children to grow up in an abusive relationship. She decided to finally stay at her parents’ house and live there.
Moving on
Sadly, Mhel’s experience is becoming an all too familiar occurrence. According to Mr. Lito Alcaraz, president of the Confederation of Solo Parents in Bulacan, “What is even more alarming is that the ages of single moms and dads are getting younger.” Younger single parents are at a disadvantage because most have not fully established their careers or had enough experience to handle this crisis without a support system.
Mhel is glad that she had a good support system. She now works as a data analyst and does her best to be present at her children’s school activities. She continues to raise her daughters with the help of her parents, siblings, and parents-in-law. She feels that one of her biggest challenges is disciplining her children and finding the right balance between being a friend and a parent to them. Her husband is living with another woman and has children with her. Her daughters maintain a good relationship with their father and even their step siblings. She has forgiven her husband although she has not completely forgotten everything that happened. She knows that her children could be happy to see her and their father together again. Regrettably, she thinks that the issues that caused their break up are still present. She is not closing her doors to a reconciliation but she leaves this all to God and His timing.
She is thankful, too, that she was able to overcome that painful chapter in her life with a lot of prayer. God became the invisible father to her children and the perfect life partner for her. She credits her involvement in her church activities and the encouragement f office mates and friends as factors that helped her heal emotionally.
Learnings
Through her experience, Mhel learned the value of heeding the advice of parents and not getting married at a very young age. She admits that she did not heed her parents’ advice and decided to follow her feelings. These are the things that she tries to explain to her daughters. It is her prayer that her daughters will learn from her experiences in love and marriage. Mhel’s fervent wish is to see her daughter’s finish their college education, have a stable career, and eventually find a good and godly man.
To her fellow single mothers, Mhel has this message, “We may not find a perfect partner but we have a perfect God who will not leave us. Let our children be our inspiration to keep moving forward in life. We should also take care of our own well being. Just keep holding on to God. He knows our needs.
