by Rosanna Ruano
Have you ever wished you could start your life over again and become the person you dream you could be?
I come from a poor family. I finished a secretarial course at Philippine Women’s University in Manila and then I worked at Philippine Airlines. Later, I decided to work abroad. Somehow as I pursued my career, I lost sight of everything I had wanted to become. This world offers many things that are good and other things that are evil. Our choices can either lead us to the right or wrong way. I chose the wrong way.
“I indulged in all kinds of vices, and sinful relationships. Nasa early 20’s ako at that time but I had no regard for the future. I practiced bad habits until I almost died. Dun ko naisip lahat-lahat ng ginawa ko and I felt so ashamed. Realization slowly sunk in. I was living in the muddiest of mud, an open hell, total darkness… This was not the life I dreamed about. I used to be the apple of my father’s eyes, the inspiration of my siblings, and I had hoped to help them. I asked myself, how did I get this way?
After a long, thorough self-evaluation, iba na ‘yung naging perspective ko. Nag-abroad ako at tinupad ko ‘yung dream ko na matulungan ang mga kapatid ko na makapag-aral sa abot ng kakayanan ko at nakapagtapos naman sila. I was happy but still there was a longing in my heart that I couldn’t figure out kung ano. Marami pa’ng nangyari sa akin na mas malala pa sa una. I was into drugs na rin. I came to the point where I was sick and tired of what was happening to me. I decided na umuwi sa amin sa Olongapo City. ‘Yung parents ko at mga kapatid, except dun sa isa, were already Christians. They shared the Gospel with me pero hindi naman nila ako pinipilit. Dumating ‘yung time na may hinahanap na ako.
One Sunday, nagpaluto ang nanay ko ng baon nila sa church. Paghatid ko ng food, papaakyat pa lang ako sa church, naririnig ko na ‘yung kanta, “God will make a way…” The song hit me like a two-edged sword. I knew that very moment that amazing things were bound to happen to me and I started going to church. However, after 4 years pa, bago ako nagseryoso kay Lord. I realized na ang haba na pala ng ibinigay ni Lord na chance sa akin. Lahat pala ng season sa life ko, nandoon Siya. Grabe ang hunger ko sa Word of God. ‘Yun pala ang longing sa puso ko. After that, things started to fall into place.
Noong time na ‘yun, hindi na ako gumagamit ng drugs, pero tuloy pa rin ako sa pagsisigarilyo at pag-inom. Hindi madali mag-alis ng bisyo. Ang cigarettes ko, 3 packs a day, tapos ang drinking habit ko, dapat sa gabi, meron at meron. So hindi ganoon kadali. Nag-pray talaga ako. Sinabi ko mag-i-stop ako in 10 days. So my plan was to smoke 10 cigarettes sa 10th day, 9 cigarettes sa 9th day hanggang umabot ako sa 4 days and 4 cigarettes. Nung ika-3rd na, hindi na ako nag-smoke. Pakiramdam ko ang kapal-kapal na ng dila ko, amoy pa lang ng sigarilyo, nahihilo na ako. Hindi na rin ako uminom dun sa 10 days na ‘yun.
Although I stopped smoking and drinking, the vices had taken their toll on my body. In time, I got sick. After ng two years na gamutan, sabi ng doctor magpa-general check up ako. Nag-pray ako, sabi ko, ‘Lord, Ikaw na ang bahala. Kapag nagkasakit ulit ako, hindi ko na maipagpapatuloy lahat ng work I had been doing at church dahil gastos din at pabalik-balik sa doktor.’ Noong lumabas ‘yung results ng general check up ko, negative lahat! Miracle ‘yun kasi sa dami ng bisyo at gamot na na-take ko, expected ko na magkakaroon ‘yun ng mga side effects.
Tuloy-tuloy na ako sa pag-help sa church. Eventually, I went to Berean School of Ministry in Roxas City and pioneered a church in Mambusao, Capiz. I am currently working on the pastoral staff at Destiny City Church and as the Dorm Dean of Berean Students.
I have total freedom, peace na walang kapantay, so much happiness at kahit may problema, smile lang, because I know the God who chose me is the same God who will sustain me and make me to be the kind of person I dreamed about being.
