by Maria Bedelia Delos Santos
According to Mayo Clinic experts, temper tantrums are a normal part of growing up. Toddler’s outbursts are a normal biological response to anger and frustration as yawn is to fatigue.1
Claire B. Kopp, professor of Applied Developmental Psychology at California’s Claremont Graduate University, gives these tips on how to handle kids during a tantrum:2
Don’t lose your cool. When a child is swept up in a tantrum, he will not listen to reason although he will respond negatively to your yelling or threatening. What works instead, is to just sit down and be with him while he rages. At times, when you are overly frustrated, you can calmly leave the room for a few minutes. But don’t leave him the whole time or he’ll feel abandoned.
Remember that you’re the adult. Don’t give in to unreasonable demands or try to negotiate with a screaming toddler. By giving in, you’ll only teach him that throwing a fit is a good way of getting he what he wants. If the tantrum escalates to a point that he is hitting people, throwing things or screaming non-stop, pick him up and firmly but gently carry him to a safe place and let him know that you will stay with him until he calms down. If you are in a public place, be prepared to leave the place with your child until he calms down.
Use “time-out” sparingly. A time-out is helpful when the child’s tantrum intensifies and other techniques aren’t working. Placing your child in a quiet or boring spot for a brief period (about one minute per year of his age). This time alone can be a good lesson in self-soothing. Explain what you are doing and let him understand that it is not a punishment. If he refuses to stay in “time out,” simply place him back in the spot firmly but coolly and go about your business.
Talk about the incident afterward. When the storm subsides, hold your child close and talk about what happened. Let him express his feelings. Once he expresses himself in words, you can better understand what he wants.
Let your child know you love him. Once the child is calm and you have talked to him, give him a quick hug and tell him that you love him.
Try to avoid tantrum-inducing situations. Pay attention to situations when tantrums occur. If you sense a tantrum is on the way, try distracting your child by changing location, giving them a toy, etc. Try to offer the child choices whenever possible.
Watch for signs of overstress. Although daily tantrums are a perfectly normal part of mid-toddler years, it’s better to keep an eye out for possible problems that trigger tantrums. If your child’s tantrums seem overly frequent or intense, or if he’s hurting himself or others, seek professional help.
It is not easy being a toddler’s parent trying to stay in control of a screaming and wildly angry child. Often times, it is a frustrating, emotionally draining episode. But time is on everybody’s side. A lot of emotional turbulence will have settled down by the time your toddler has completed his metamorphosis into a pre-school child. Your toddler will get bigger, stronger and more able to manage things better. For now, you will just have to be a cool parent. Grin and bear it!
1 Temper Tantrum in Toddlers: How to Keep the Peace, www.mayoclinic.org – art. 20047845
2 Why Your Child has Temper Tantrums, www.babycenter.comtantrums_11567
