Just Asking with Peter Banzon
I love my children so I allowed them to live with me even though they already have their own family. I am happy with this, but sometimes I feel that they are taking advantage of me. Often they leave their children with me while they meet their friends and then they come back very late. I am obliged to cook because I don’t want my grandchildren to go hungry. Is there a way to handle this without making my children move out and without making my grandchildren feel I don’t want them? How can I set boundaries? Are boundaries selfish?
Love for family is an enduring value that is very commendable in our culture. It is a joy to take care of your grandchildren but, by assuming your children’s responsibility so they can be free to meet with friends, you are sending the message that their actions are agreeable to you. When you fail to set boundaries, your kindness can be abused. What was once a joy becomes a burden.
Cut the umbilical cord so to speak. As head of your household call for a family meeting and kindly tell everyone how you feel about the situation. Set boundaries by clarifying expectations. Your children should adjust their lifestyle to ensure that their children are cared for. When your children take their rightful responsibility, they are setting an example for their own kids. They will reinforce the values found in the word of God. Ephesians 6: 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 “so that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
If your children honor you, then they will not allow you to be unduly stressed by assuming their responsibilities. Honoring one’s parent’s means helping them have an easier life in their old age. It’s all right to babysit some of the time, but NOT all of the time!
