Encountering God usually happens in church or youth camps. But there are some places we wouldn’t think of if we want to meet or know Him. One of those places is, a hotel. When God reveals himself to a person, location doesn’t matter because He can change you where you’re at, in that moment.
Nina was just looking for a place to rest and maybe get drunk, but God showed up!
I grew up with my grandparents because my parents worked as OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker). My mother worked abroad for 8 years and my father continued to work overseas as I was growing up. My grandparents took care of me since I was about 4 years old. They made me felt loved, cared for and protected. Every two years lang umuuwi ang mom and dad ko.
When I was in grade six, summer ‘yon nang umuwi na for good ang mom ko. Kinuha niya ako at meron na kaming panibagong bahay. Sobrang excited ako to be with my mother. But as the days went by, I felt disconnected and distant from her. Nalampasan ko na yung years na I should have been building up relationship with my parents. Nag-start ng business ang mom ko at naging sobrang busy siya. Kaya kahit only child ako hindi niya rin ako naasikaso ng mabuti, wala akong guidance. Maybe the best way my parents knew how to show their love for me was to provide my needs.
Growing up, I always felt insecure, not valued, unlovable, lonely and alone. Lacking parental guidance, I sought the love and belongingness outside my family. I got pregnant at 17. I know nasaktan ko talaga ang damdamin ng mom and dad ko. I got married hastily but 7 years after, our marriage got annulled. Two years later, I met another man and got pregnant by him. I was living in a worldly standard, nag live-in kami for 7 years with no intentions and plans to get married at all. While in that relationship, it looked like I was complete but deep inside I had no peace and so lonely. Napapagod na rin ako at naguguluhan sa aming pagsasama. I felt like I needed to perform to be loved.
When my partner’s mother was visiting in 2014, I told her that I badly needed a break. Looking back, I am so thankful that I was able to leave and entrust my children to someone like her and had a chance to focus on myself and what the Lord revealed to me. So, I left the three kids with her and checked in a hotel. I bought some alcoholic drinks at the nearby convenience store and planned to drink them during my stay, but I didn’t get to drink them. During my first day at the hotel, I slept most of the time. On my second day, I poured out my heart to God. I told God, “I just wanted a family of my own but why do I feel like I’m always failing? Ang gulo-gulo lagi ang nangyayari sa akin.” While pouring out my heart crying, I opened the side table drawer and found a Bible. I was not a Bible reader, but I opened it randomly on Genesis 28:3 and started reading the verse that says: “May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you so that you become an assembly of peoples.”
Sinabi ko kay Lord, “ Ay, oo nga, paano Mo ako ibe-bless kung ‘yong situation ko ay hindi pleasing sa Iyo, Lord?” Kahit na ang mga words na ‘pleasing’ or ‘honoring’ bigla na lang sa isip ko. Tapos, iyak ako nang iyak at sinabi ko,
“God, ang tagal ko na palang nagkakasala sa Iyo at nasasaktan Kita.” Noon, nahihiya ako sa mga tao dahil sa pagli- live in ko, pero that night I felt ashamed to God, not men. Nagkaroon din ako ng takot kay Lord. Kahit na hanggang ngayon yung small or big decision ko, natatakot na ako na hindi galing sa Kanya.
Ang galing talaga ni Lord, the way Siya nag speak sa akin yung parang kuhang kuha ko kaagad! It opened my eyes to the truth that I was living in sin with my live-in partner. I knew it was God, kasi yung pagli-live-in wala namang parents na nag rebuke sa akin na huwag gawin yan. Wala ring kaibigang nagsabi sa akin. I was willing to be corrected pero wala talagang may nagsabi sa akin.
Pagkatapos kung magbasa ng Bible at umiyak kay Lord, I went for a walk along Katipunan Road and found myself in a church attending their Sunday service. During worship, I raised my hands and cried and cried. That day, I surrendered my life to Jesus. Immediately I felt different – strong and fearless. I felt Jesus was with me and guiding me.
Bago ko pa man naisip na hindi pleasing kay Lord ang pagsasama namin ng partner ko, meron na akong place na pwede kung paglipatan. Two months nang ready ‘yon pero hindi ako makapag-decide kasi sa isip ko, “Pangalawa nang paghiwalay ito! Ano na naman ang sasabihin ko sa mga magulang ko?” But when I read that verse from the Lord, I felt like it was confirmed that I should go.
I went home and talked to my live-in partner. I told him we needed to separate immediately. I shared with him my convictions and my desire to obey God. That was the first time na sobrang lakas ng loob kong magsalita. Dati, natatakot ako pero tinanggal ni Lord ang takot ko na baka pag aagawan namin ang mga bata. Iba yung naramdaman kung lakas! Surprisingly, he agreed with the separation. He even let our children come with me. It was not the response I expected but I saw how God favored me that very moment that my partner let me go without arguments.
Throughout the separation, I busied myself studying His Word and knowing more about Christ by regularly attending small groups. I publicly declared my faith through water baptism on September 13, 2014. I experienced His peace and joy despite difficult times. I felt the love of a father that I have been longing for the longest time. I experienced the love of God for me and realized that it is true that when you call upon the Lord He will truly answer and help you (Psalm 91:15). I felt that He took me out of the pit (Psalm 40:2). When I look back, I am amazed at how He orchestrated everything for me. I felt fearless and so strong and have the peace that transcends all understanding kahit hirap ako in my situation.
For four months I lived with my children, God provided for our needs. I was afraid kasi baka hindi kasya yung pera ko at ma short kami, pero ang galing talaga ni Lord, nagka-helper pa kami ng mga anak ko! Dati kasi ako lang gumagawa ng gawaing bahay. God also made me realize my value and self-worth as a child of God, that I belong to Him. Na hindi ko pala kailangan mag- go through life on my own. From that time on, whenever I feel happy or sad my default is to praise and worship Him. Also, I can’t help but to share His goodness to people around me. Sobrang nahihiya ako dati, pero because His goodness overflows inside me hindi ko mapigilang i-share Siya.
My partner eventually joined me in going to church and we got married in 2015. God changed me! He made me whole and has given me a purpose; to share to others about these changes He made in my Life. I am still a work in progress, but I know that what He started in my life He will put into completion.
