By Raquel Alvarez
Bettina Robles, the Marketing Manager and co-owner of Breakthrough Asia Trading, says she grew up having to live on hand-me-downs and borrowed things – from books to school bags, to uniforms and shoes. “Little did I know that I would also have to make do with a ‘borrowed’ partner later on in life”, quipped this beautiful lady from across the office table where I was interviewing her. A “woman of the world” turned “woman of the Word” – illustrates Inna’s journey from being a rich man’s mistress toward becoming a woman after God’s own heart.
Be inspired as we get to know more about God’s limitless grace and love in this 38-year old’s story of life’s mistakes, deliverance and hope.
Can you tell us how you ended up being a mistress?
“Oh, I was always against illicit love affairs and resolved to be the last person to ever be in one. I grew up being the “good girl” of the family – always trying my best to obey my parents. So, needless to say, this was something I never thought would happen to me. I had legit, normal relationships in the past when I was younger. My ‘downfall’ happened when I started working for a textile company at the age of 22. I met the company’s handsome yet married CEO and owner who swept me off my feet. ‘Di na ako nakatanggi. He was everything I felt a man should be. It was the first time in my life I felt so loved by someone who seemed perfect to me, especially since he promised a life full of the things I didn’t have in the past.
I was already a Christian when I decided to give in to this forbidden relationship. It was a life-changing decision that shook my foundations as a follower of Christ. This man, 23 years my senior, with a very beautiful wife and lovely children seemed like a trophy I hoped I could have all to myself eventually. He did a good job of keeping our affair a secret; no one from our company ever really suspected we had a relationship. Our love affair continued for the next 8 years.
During the time that you were having a relationship with a married man, what was your life like?
In the course of my affair with a married man, my life was a series of extreme emotions. I would be very happy in the arms of my lover one moment and extremely sad each moment he left home for his family. And since I was the ‘hidden’ partner, he definitely spent fewer moments with me than he did with his legal wife and children, which meant I had more sad moments than happy ones. I couldn’t even demand phone calls after work, or during important holidays like Christmas or Valentine’s Day. I was grateful if we could celebrate Valentine’s or Christmas of his birthday one or two days ahead or later. We couldn’t dine romantically as a couple or watch movies, go to malls or do things together where people might see us, so our ‘together time’ was very limited as well. When we would go out, we couldn’t hold hands as a couple or even be seen walking side by side. It made me see myself as someone not worth flaunting, someone who should be hidden and someone to be ashamed of. It was simply pathetic the way my happiness depended on another human being and my self-worth was reduced to nothing. I was miserable, insecure, and paranoid.
It was an endless agony of longing and waiting for the unknown. The guilt affected my fellowship with the Lord and with other believers. In the height of my affair, I never took part in any ministry in church. I was insecure emotionally, spiritually, mentality and even physically. I felt I was always competing with his wife and did everything to stay attractive and beautiful. In short, I felt I always had to ‘work’ for everything – for my lover’s affection, time, approval, and love.
What was the turning point?
I became pregnant in our 8th year. It was unplanned but that became my turning point. The terror of having to expose my pregnancy when everyone knew I was single and dating nobody made me realize how badly I had grieved the Lord with my adulterous affair, and how distant my heart was from Him. Hiyang-hiya ako sa sarili ko at sa Panginoon. I wanted to just disappear. So instead of using my baby to demand more time and money from my lover, I resigned from my job and decided to cut ties with him. He provided all that I and my child could ever need, which I had to take for fear that I couldn’t provide for my child alone. But through it all, my heart wanted to let go of the sinful affair. The long years of entanglement with this man caused me to be so attached to him that learning to let go was not easy. It took being on my knees and “dying to self” daily to finally want to break free. I knew that I needed deliverance.
How did God provide a way out?
I started attending church services again. Whenever I would miss him, I surrounded myself with God-fearing friends who understood my struggles and they served as my accountability group. The church also allowed me to serve again through the music ministry and this somehow lessened my longing. Miraculously, God also took away all the fears and slowly enlightened me about how He, not my rich lover, was my ultimate source of security. After some time, communication between this man and I ceased. I started working again and with the help of family and friends, put up my own small business. On my birthday six years ago, I cried out to the Lord and fasted and really begged Him for total deliverance. I told God “Ayoko nap o talaga, palayain Nyo na po kami at patawarin.” Exactly one month after that, my child’s father visited me and my child one last time and then he died. It was painful but it was the sweetest answered prayer of all.
In the aftermath of things, I felt so blessed by God’s grace and loving kindness that I felt I needed to tell my story to many, especially the women in our church. I found myself being invited to cell groups, prayer meetings and other fellowships outside our church to share my testimony. Shameful though it was, my testimony served as an eye-opener to those struggling with the same situation of on the verge of being involved in any form of immorality. Many were convicted by the Lord to give up adulterous relationships. And both wives and mistresses thanked me. God has not only forgiven me; He used my shame for His glory.
Do you still plan to get married?
Despite the grave mistakes I’ve made, the Lord has delivered me, forgiven me and showered me with favor. I thought to myself, even if I wanted to have another shot at love, I had no right to ask Him for such a favor but years later, I met a pastor. He pursued me and we are now engaged to be married.
What important lessons did you learn?
I learned that I can never disobey the Lord, have things my way and still be truly happy. I have also learned that God can write a perfect love story without anybody’s help. It was the complete opposite of what I did, I had to work hard for everything and in the end, my relationship still caused me and a lot of people pain and unhappiness.
With the shame I went through, the Lord humbled me to the core, but now I deeply understand how merciful and forgiving our Almighty Father is. He does not condemn, but guides each one of us back to the path of righteousness and truth. God’s love isn’t always pleasurable like the love we get from the world, but as I live, I realized that His way is always right and perfect.
