by Michelle Klaris Rey-Cabansal
Have you ever felt confused and overwhelmed in decision-making? Did you ever feel that you were not on the same page with your husband? Have you stayed awake, till the rooster crowed or the jeepney horns blared, waiting for the answer to those tough questions: How will this decision impact my kids? How will they grow and develop in this environment we have put ourselves in?
All of us come from different backgrounds, upbringings and experiences that impact the way we parent. My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. We have three girls (ages 8, 6, and 2) and each one was born in different region of the Visayas. My husband jokes that it was part of the plan to follow the prayer of Jabez to enlarge our territory. We have been able to raise our children without the physical presence of extended family members, relatives or nannies. We traveled with our kids across multiple municipalities and islands as part of our job working in non-profit, non-government organizations.
It was not always a smooth journey and all I can say is that I am grateful for the grace given to us. We worried about how the travel would affect our kids’ health and development and if video calls would be enough to make their grandparents real to them. We worried, at times, how to help them process what they saw in the community compared to the truths in the Bible.
I would like to share with you two questions that my husband and I have often asked ourselves. These questions have kept us grounded when the reality of our challenges blurred our vision. They also strengthened our partnership in the parenting of our children.
What are our values?
- LOVE. Love is the source of our thought, words, and action. Love God, love others.
- HONEST RELATIONSHIPS. We desire to build strong, honest relationships with those around us.
- ADVENTURE. Go! Have fun and learn alongside others.
- DISCIPLESHIP. We acknowledge that God has a purpose for each of us and we will grow and steward what He has entrusted to us.
Knowing our values has helped us in times of struggle.
When COVID-19 stranded us in my husband’s hometown, a place far away from where I worked, we had a family meeting. With the future uncertain, we asked our girls what their concerns were. To our surprise, we were all concerned about the same thing. Which was, when would we be able to return to our rented apartment for our valuables (such as their favorite stuffed toys and guitars)? We thanked the Lord, that as a family we did not have to make a large adjustment because our values were already embedded in our lifestyle.
What do we hold in our hand?
What is in our hand? These are the things that can be used to provide solutions for our daily challenges. It includes our inborn and acquired talents, abilities, and attitudes. It is also the identified support groups and resources that are available to us within our community. What is in our hand needs to be continually nurtured and developed.
Because we value adventure and desire to be ready to go where we would be called, we chose to homeschool. We found it to be consistent with our value to be intentional in discipling our kids. Homeschooling also gave us the opportunity to bring out talents that we had put on the side such as drawing or cooking. We feel fortunate we were already homeschooling our children before the pandemic!
Taking a look at what we hold in our hand is humbling and empowering at the same time. Challenges and pressures tend to make us focus on what is wrong instead of counting our blessings. One of those blessings is our spouse, who also wants what is best for both the children and the family.
The beauty of partnership in parenting is that you never have to be alone on the journey. It also establishes a stronger connection between you and your spouse. Perhaps you’d be surprised to see that even SuperMom can’t save the day without SuperDad.
